Always a Bride, Even After Divorce

Awe! Weddings! An accumulation of months of preparation. The selection of rings, the Bride’s dress, tuxes, flowers, bouquets, choosing the cake, and the guest list. Along with wedding ceremonial songs, the reception, and music for the first dance.

And finally the big day arrives. Two nervous people standing at an altar, before God, the Pastor or Priest, and their guest. The Groom and Bride are ready to express their sacred vows and proclaim their lifetime of commitment to love and cherish one another, in good times and bad, till death do they part.

What’s more lovely then a Bride strolling down the aisle to join herself to her groom? The man who chose her and she desired him to be a family, a home . . . because they completed each other.

The road ahead is mysterious. The journey of the marital union will take them to places unknown, uncharted for them, and possibly unwelcomed.

My Wedding Day

I will never forget my wedding day. The feeling of that special moment as my father walked me down the aisle, tearful.

Giving me away to a man he trusted to care for his daughter, to love her as he did, but more. My eyes gazed into the man I love. Willing to give my heart, soul, body, and secrets too—for the rest of my life. I was nervous but joyful to unite my heart with his, to become Mrs. Ramirez. I was a Bride, glowing with the anticipation of what lay ahead.

And I’ll never forget another day, when I received the notification from the court, dissolving those sacred vows. Thirty-six years of marriage, reduced to one piece of paper, declaring our vows were no longer binding by law.

That joyous wedding occasion and hope for longevity in our marriage, became a source of unspeakable pain. Trust, commitment, love, and hope unraveled to nothing. Replaced with rejection and abandonment. Our wedding rings, the meaningful exchange and representation of eternal love, now boxed away. Rings that made the statement, I’m devoted to another. I am taken.

It’s like that old song, “This diamond ring doesn’t shine like it did before. This diamond ring doesn’t mean what it did before,” (Gary Lewis and The Playboys).

Yet, when I think of this ripping apart—this loss, I’m reminded by God, that I wasn’t solely one man’s bride. As the haunting memory of love lost, and the I-can’t-get-him-off-my-mind . . . God gave me a vision. A vision to reflect on, every time my ex-husband and the sorrow invaded my soul.

A Vision From God

At Church, as we finished worship, I basked in the moment, but thoughts of my ex-husband soon occupied my thoughts, saddening my heart. With eyes closed, I prayed. God, he’s an idol in my heart and his taking the place of you. Help!

Then God gave me the most wondrous picture. Care if I share?

The aisle runner was gold, sprinkled with pink rose petals. The runner led to an arch, filled with draping fragrant flowers of vibrant colors of all kinds. My gown was spun silk with overlaid lace. Diamond buttons, sparkled as they lined down the back of the dress, fixed with loops. The bottom of the dress had three tiers of lace. The shimmering veil ran past the length of the dress, cascading onto the floor. The veil was held by a silk ocean blue band, which sat delicately on the back of my head, with white roses running across its length. Also petite roses adorned the ends of the veil.

His Bride, ©️Diane Ramirez

At the arch is the Son, the Groom, who chose me to be his Bride. The light was gloriously bright, and my hand outstretched to the light of Christ.

In this moment, God reminded me, he is my Husband. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is a husband who will not run or walk away, when life is a twisted mess. God will never give up. He will not grow tired of life and fellowship with me, for he is the essence of life. He will not “fall out of love” with me. As he reminds me, he understands with patience—my worries, my struggles, and my flaws. He is trustworthy. He is committed to me in this life and in the next. Death will not part us.

He will cherish, care, and provide for me. He will comfort me, calm my storms, and heal my sorrows. He will look at me with delight, and remind me I am beautiful in him. His love is unconditional. There is nothing I have to do to win or keep his love. He accepts me for who I am, as I am made in his glorious image.

And there is a fountain. With the bluest of pure water, springing up and flowing over. He reminds me, he is the fountain of life. A cistern that never runs dry. It is he who will replenish my thirst when I am lonely, and fill my soul to the brim with his love. His living water flows for me, his Bride.

He will do this for you, too.

 Rekindled Identity, The Bride of Christ

I love when the Lord gives visions. Pictures to help us cope, to move on, and to take hold of a new identity. To not forget, who we are, his Bride and he our Groom, through the blessed gift of Salvation.

“I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, My soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels,” Isaiah 61:10, NASB.

We know the Bride is the Church of Christ, “Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and spoke with me saying, “Come here, I will show you the bride, the wife of the lamb.” Revelations 21:9, NASB.

Yet, I believe those who belong to him—he wants us to know, we are collectively and individually, his bride. He desires all those suffering from the pain of divorce—those who have been abandoned and rejected by a spouse—as well anyone who has experienced deep loss, to know we are never alone in our sorrow.

“You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?” Psalms 56:8, NASB.

All our tears are kept in a bottle, written in his book. He knows. He will wipe our tears with his gentle hand. And because he is God our Father, who comforts all who mourn, we can take comfort in this, “He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness, For His name’s sake,” Psalms 23:3, NASB.

No matter our sorrow, we can rejoice in Psalms 23:6.  I encourage you to do what I did, insert your name and read it out loud, “Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me [Diane] all the day[s] of my [her] life, And I [Diane] will dwell in the house of the LORD forever,” Psalms 23:6, NASB (brackets mine).

Allowing this scripture to take root in our spirit, will indeed give hope in which we will “ . . . dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” Where there will be no more tears.

“To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes,

The oil of gladness instead of mourning,

The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.

So they will be called oaks of righteousness,

The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified,” Isaiah 61:3

Not the End

Divorce, or any loss that grieves our heart, is not the end of us, nor defines us, as we are the Lord’s Bride and he our Groom, “The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with the shouts of joy,” Zephaniah 3:17, NASB.

With some ancient versions of this verse, “He will be quiet in His love” is translated “He will renew you in His love.” He is our VICTORIOUS WARRIOR; therefore we are more than conquers over our pain and sorrow.

Imagine God our Husband, Creator of all . . . who rejoices, exults, and shouts with joy over us, and renews our heart with His love. That is Agape love (selfless love) in its purest form. And we have this in and through our Lord, Jesus Christ!

Can I get an Amen?

If this piece ministered to you, please share your thoughts with me. My heart is overjoyed, knowing that the words the Lord places on my heart, makes a difference. Please share, if you know someone who is in need of encouragement. Thank you so much. Diane

What do we do With The VILLIANS in Our Life?

Do you enjoy action movies where the villain finally gets what he deserves? The good guy wins and the bad guy losses. I find myself shouting—don’t let him get away with that? A whole other side of me seeps through and I want justice, vengeance, and recompense—I want blood!

In the story of our life we all have a few villains or antagonist we engage with. By villains, I mean people who wrong us, people who hurt us and are clueless concerning their actions; they’re family, co-workers, a pastor, a member of our church, a husband or wife, father or mother, a child.

When in life, we are mistreated; we might desire to see swift justice. That is normal human behavior. I chuckle when I read this scripture where the apostle Paul said, “Brothers, if I am still preaching circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been abolished. As for those agitators, “I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!” (Galatians 5:11-12/Italics mine).

I’ve had that thought toward a couple of people in my life. I’ve also been disciplined by this verse, “Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice,” (Proverbs 24:17). RATS!

Coming home from a trip, I sat with a Christian woman on the airplane. Our small talk soon turned into sharing our life’s history. She revealed her father had molested her and her sisters for years—hers stopped when she left for college. Her father was her villain. I asked how she came to terms with this horrific experience. She surprised me, when, from her heart came grace and forgiveness for a man—her father—who stole her childhood innocence and betrayed his role as a daddy to his daughter—although that grace and forgiveness came overtime.

Our antagonist is either intentional or unintentional, as they afflict our inner world. My newly found friend’s villain was intentional. The sexual abuse of his daughter was planned and thought out. Yet this woman found a place in her heart where she could, later in life, face him and challenge his behavior and through the power of Christ, heal her deep wounds.

The Word of God is full of directives like:

• “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matt. 5:44)
• “Do not repay anyone evil for evil . . .” (Romans 12:17).
• “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,” (Ephesians 4:32).
• “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble,” (1 Peter 3:8).

If we are honest, we have to admit, these directives are difficult to implement for certain situations? Loving our villains, not repaying evil for evil, being kind, and finding compassion and humility stretches us beyond our own capabilities. God did not put an “easy button,” in our heart when it comes to forgiving others and relinquishing our hurts. He is aware of our nature and sent his Holy Spirit as our helper (See John 16).

A person I knew continued to make inconsiderate remarks to me on more then one occasion. Maybe he thought he was joking but his remarks cut to my heart. A couple of times, I thought if I were a man I’d have walloped him in the nose. I finally cried out to the Lord, in anger, saying if this person represents your love, I want nothing to do with it. Often we can disfigure God’s love by the actions of others. Or even feel abandoned and rejected by God.

When I asked my airplane seatmate if she blamed God for her father’s actions, she said no. Most do, so I asked her why she did not. She remarked that God didn’t rape her, her father did.

What do we do with the villains of our life? I’ve found five venues I’ve used through the years:

1. Pray for them
I’d pray for them but this was not always a prayer of blessing. A woman, my family knew well, would say the most awful untruths about our son and us. So one day I got my Bible out and found a few scriptures suitable for the situation. I prayed them and asked God not to allow her to use her hateful words. It was reported later that her husband asked her to close her mouth. “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests . . .” (Ephesians 6:18).

2. Have a Proper Perspective
The ground is level at the cross and we will all be judged for the good and bad done in the body—no matter who we are. Our Christian brothers and sisters are children of God and he disciplines those he loves—in his time.

Many moons ago a church friend felt I had done her an injustice. I prayed and knew my conscience was clear and although I apologized for the sake of reconciliation—nothing changed. Yet six months later the Lord convicted her. She called and apologized. [God] “Who shows no partiality to princes and does not favor the rich over the poor, for they are all the work of his hands? (Job 34:19).

3. Keep a Distance
There is nowhere in the Bible, which says we have to fellowship with those that hurt us; or whom we disagree with. Boundaries are a good thing and putting boundaries in place, to protect our self, is certainly okay. If I knew there would be an interaction with that person, I’d make sure I was prayed up and in the right mindset. The choice to be around this type of person was up to me. Further, when I found I could not emotionally deal with that personality, I’d keep my distance from the relationship.

The Apostle Paul and Barnabas, “ . . . had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company,” (Acts 15).

4. Speak the Truth in Love
Sometimes something needs to be said to our Antagonist and it’s never easy. A family member of ours continued to hurt other family members; yet, no one called him on the carpet. Being who I am, I strongly felt his hurtful remarks needed to be addressed. He had already chosen to break his family ties. So there was nothing to lose or gain.
As long as our motive is directed by truth and love, not to do further harm, and to provide another’s point of view, than we must risk sharing what is on our mind and heart. This can be done in a letter, face-to-face, or in the presence of a mediator. Other times, it might be best to say nothing as the Lord warns—
“ When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise,” (Proverbs 10:19).

5. The Goal, Let Go
There was a time I was angry with a clergy who continued to hurt and scold people as if he were their father. His leadership was more autocratic then a humble servant and shepherd. Many years later when speaking to a pastor about the hurt I felt—I experienced the Lord’s affirmation and knowledge that he saw. The significance that God was not “clueless on his throne” helped me to let go of needing to see justice. Letting go is releasing the need to see the individual get what he or she deserves. However . . . this is a process, which happens as we journey through healing as well submit the matter to God, sometimes with clenched teeth.

I think of Sarah and her handmaiden Hagar—who bore Ishmael for her, as Sarah was impatient waiting for God to fulfill his promise. Sarah’s jealousy caused Abraham to send Hagar and his son out to wander in the desert. But God comes on the scene, “ . . . Then the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said to her, “What ails you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is,” (Genesis 21:17). Sometimes we forget that God is El Roi—The God who sees.

All of us have villains; perhaps we’ve been villains ourselves. That is why Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). What he really is saying is, we all have a plank in our eye. There is a right and wrong . . . but it is not always up to us to “help” that person see their wrong, unless that is, God has confirmed and directed us to do so. I’ve always felt, when I’ve needed to confront someone, my responsibility was to first seek God’s direction before I acted, seek the counsel of wise people, then step out in faith and leave the results to God. And when I did, I had peace.

I’ve discovered through my scruffs, it’s my responsibility to:

• Take care of my heart
• Speak the truth when needed
• Have a spirit of humility
• Know that God knows, sees, and cares
• Remember that God shows no favoritism
• Assure that my conscience is clear before God
• Ask God what I need to learn from this situation
• When my mind revisits the matter, give it back to God every time
• I must strive to see my villain through the eyes of my Lord—yet another exercise in trust and faith

Furthermore, I know that I’m not “bad” for feeling anger, wanting blood, or feeling the need to wallop someone in the nose. The difference is, I don’t act upon those strong emotions—it might take me years but God gives me the ability and understanding to be free of my villains insensitivity, rudeness, and disrespect or anyway they have offended me without an admission of guilt. I’ve learned that I can still love the person but not like what they do. There is a difference.

Father God,
You are merciful, gracious, and loving . . . May we desire to be more like you. Allow us the time to put into proper perspective that you alone are our source and nothing that happens to us is out of your sight or reach. You can heal, produce peace, and help us to know your love that surpasses all understanding—“that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God,” (Ephesians 3:19).